Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
