Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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