I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
