I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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