Michael Bay diarrhea
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
