Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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