Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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