Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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