he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How external is "for external use only"?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
