The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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