worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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