The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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