im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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