I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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