I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
