I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
