My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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