Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
