I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
