A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
