dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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