who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
