Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize