I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
birth control should be required to get into college
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
