The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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