This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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