There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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