my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
where are you?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE