Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.