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had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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