I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.