living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
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My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How many fucks given?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday