Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
bring money and cleavage
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.