I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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