I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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