Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
