# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize