Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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