i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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