I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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