If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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