fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
