i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
