Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My vagina just clenched in fear
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
