So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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