when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No...this little piggys going to the bar
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i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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