I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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