HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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