You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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