If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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