Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
