I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
