I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
