My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize