she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
