Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.