Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
