I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we're making bets on your personal life
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
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She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time