Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!