i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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