Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I want a musical about memes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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