Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
