i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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