i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
