Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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