i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
