What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
