at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
